ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
