So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
