is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
