How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize