I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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