went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
