I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
