I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
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Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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