i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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