and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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