I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
