I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
