we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
