I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
