She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
