soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
