i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
