I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
