Whod you bang
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
