# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
