Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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