Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize