I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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