we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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