apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
