he thought i was a dude.
even my farts smell like vagina
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
