She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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