Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
