he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
