i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
