i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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