wanna go halves on a baby?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
foreskin is a definite game changer
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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