i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
