She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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