I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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