i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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