i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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