it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
ttyl tear gas
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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