Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i just google imaged poop.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
