I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Randomize
