i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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