You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
