Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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