I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
