When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
