Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
