And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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