This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
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