just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
