It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
