I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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