Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
where am i from again
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
