i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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