All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
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oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
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The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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