Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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