i jhust puked up my retainher.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
