i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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