Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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