Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Someone came in the potted fern
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
