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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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