I look better un-naked...
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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