nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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