Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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